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In Last Semester’s Course: Cold Calling 502, you learned how to approach a total stranger, usually over the phone, and ask for their business. This semester in Networking 511, we’ll be learning how to approach a total stranger, turn them into an acquaintance, then into a friend, then maybe into someone to do business with.

If this were a business course on campus that I was teaching, I would spend the entire first week on the first point. At the end of that week, I would have a test. That test would be worth 50% of your grade, because it is so important and it is where most people fail in real life. Ready? Here it is: Networking is not a quick way to get new business.

Exam 1 (Pass/Fail only, no partial credit):

1) Is Networking a quick way to get new business?

2) If you need 3 new clients by Friday is Networking a good way to get these clients?

3) If you want to measure your Networking success using any metric is one month or less a good time frame to use?

If you answered Yes to any of the above questions, re-read the highlighted sentence above the exam. Do not keep reading until you can pass the exam with a 100% score.

Networking Spam

If you look at it the right way, you’ll find that almost every interaction between people has “spam.” Let’s take a look at networking spam. Rodney is a new sales professional. He has recently been promoted and is eager to prove himself. After reading some of the big-name, highly recommended, sales books, he decides to try networking. Rodney attends the local Chamber of Commerce event. At the event, Rodney goes up to everyone. He shakes their hand, asks them what they do, then tells them what he does. Then, he hands them a business card and gets their business card and moves on to the next person. Over the next week, Rodney calls everyone he met at the meeting and says, “Hi, we met at the Chamber of Commerce…blah, blah, blah. Is there anything I can do for you right now?” Rodney doesn’t get any new clients. Not only that, but for those people who remember Rodney, they add him to their internal spam filter and if they see him coming next week, they’ll make sure and move away. Rodney tells anyone who will listen that networking doesn’t work.

So, if networking is so great, why didn’t Rodney get any clients? Because, he never took this class, or he dropped out after failing Exam 1. Rodney is not networking. What Rodney is doing is List Building by collecting information in person. This is not networking. The phone calls he is making are cold calls based on the list he built.

Now that we understand what Networking Spam looks like we can move on to what good Networking looks like.

Networking = Making Friends

Recently, I wrote about some reservations I had about using Twitter. My biggest hangup was not completely understanding their concept of “Friends.” Let’s review. You already have friends. If you think about it you actually have several kinds of friends. You have some friends who would fly down to South America to bail you out of jail, and you would do the same for them. For some people, if you aren’t like this, then you are not “friends.” This will obviously make your Twitter list very small, and make Twitter not very fun or useful.

For our purposes you are going to have to broaden the definition. You have friends at work that you have never done anything outside of work events with. They are still friends, they just aren’t close friends. For our purposes, “friends” means anyone that you like (and who likes you) well enough that you would save them a seat at a conference that you both were attending and they would want that seat, because you would like to sit together, not because it is the socially polite thing to do. Notice in the example above, nobody will want that seat next to Rodney.

So, with the above definition in mind, networking is nothing more than making friends on purpose. If you think back, you’ll notice that most of your friends you made by accident. They went to your high school, they lived in your dorm, they worked for the same company, they were friends of Bob and Sue. In networking we are going to remove the accident factor. Instead, we’ll be intentionally making friends. This is why networking is not fast. Every once and a while you will make an instant friend, but usually it takes some time.

How to Make Friends (a.k.a. How to Network)

In order to make friends and network you have to meet people. Since we’ll be making friends on purpose, we should put some effort into making the most beneficial friends we can. This is where attending Chamber of Commerce meetings comes in. If business owners and managers are the kinds of people who would be useful friends to have then the Chamber of Commerce is a good place to start. Attending a Chamber event is easy. When you get there, think about making friends, not networking. Imagine that you are going on a trip into space and the event you are at is with the other people who will be making the trip. In other words, if you want to have any friends once you get into space, these are the people who will have to be your friends. There is no need to talk to everyone here. After all, if these people are the kinds of people you want as friends, this won’t be the only time you come to one of these events. There is no urgency, and especially no desperation. How would you feel if a total stranger showed up at your 10 year reunion and begged to be your friend? Don’t be that guy.

Mingle by going up to people who aren’t currently talking to other people. This way, you aren’t interrupting. Say something like, “Hi, I’m Brad,” and offer your hand. They’ll shake your hand and tell you there name. Then say something like, “This is my first one of these. Are they always so <whatever>…” If it’s their first one too, then you have something in common. Go from there. If not, they’ll tell you something about themselves while answering your question. Go from there. No sales, no business cards, no nothing. After a while excuse yourself by saying, “Well, I don’t want to keep you all night…” and move off to someone else. If someone happens to come up while you are talking with Brad, he’ll introduce you to that person, and now you’ve met two people with only one effort.

Remember names first, everything else second. A helpful way to remember names is to repeat it back to the person out loud. “This is Joe.” “Hi, Joe, I’m Dave.” Then, SILENTLY in your own head associate their name with their most noticable characteristic. “Big Nose, Joe.” “Pregnant, Sally.” “Three-eyed, James.” Meet as many people as you feel is natural, but set a goal of at least 7. That way you won’t be tempted to skip out after just meeting two people.

Ignore advice to write down everything you find out. Do write down names and companies but only do this after you leave the event. While you are sitting in your car is good as long as there aren’t tons of people walking by wondering what you are doing in your car creepily writing. Don’t be tempted to be the “super memory” guy. It is actually unnerving for someone you barely know to ask “How is your wife, Sally doing? And little James and Becky? James just had a birthday, didn’t he?” This doesn’t make you a good networker, it makes you that guy from the Robin Williams movie where he is the photo developer obsessed with that family.

Now, go to another event that has similar people. If you are REALLY lucky someone you met before will be there. Make a beeline for them and re-introduce yourself and make a “small world” type comment. Talk to them for a while and then meet at least 7 people. Make sure that you go back to the original meeting event (Chamber of Commerce) so that you can meet them again. Soon, they’ll start to associate you as someone they know. Then, as someone they are friends with. Now you see why this can take a while.

Network Now

One of the big networking books uses the phrase, “Dig your well before you are thirsty.” The message is that you can’t wait to start digging a well until you get thirsty and expect it to be a good thing. It takes a long time to dig a well and you’ll need to find water somewhere else before the well is done. Same thing in networking. It takes a long time to network and you’ll need to find clients somewhere else before you have a network. So whether you plan to start a business in 10 years or you started one 10 years ago, the time to start networking is now. In fact, networking is easier when you do not need it. You will naturally be less needy. After all, you don’t need anything. But, when you do need something, you’ll have these people to draw on. So, grab your local business jornal and start going to those Chamber of Commerce events. Join one of the social charities (Rotary, Elks, Kwanis). Also, become a member and volunteer at one institution in your city (Museum, Zoo, Theatre). You’ll start making friends and before you know it you’ll have a network.

Why You

The difference between a network and a six-degrees of seperation game is helping. You aren’t the only person who volunteers at the art museum. But, if you are the guy who is always helping, that makes you someone special compared to everyone else. When you talk to people listen for opportunities to help them out. Not necessarily with your business (although that would be great), but anyway you can help. If someone mentions refinancing and you know a great mortgage guy, let them know. Make sure it is helpful not pushing business to a friend. “You’re refinancing? I know a great guy. He’s in Rotary with me. He did my home equity loan. I can get you his card or email his info or something if you want.” Remember helping is offering. Selling is following up. If they don’t say yes, don’t pursue it.

The great sunny day will come when one of your new friends comes up to you and says, “Hey, you’re in insurance, right? My sister just had a baby, and they need to talk to someone about life insurance.” It won’t happen tomorrow, but it will happen. As an added bonus, you get to use your network in reverse. “Connie, you guys remodeled your kitchen last year and we are thinking about doing ours. Did you like your contractor?”

Online

I started a freelance writing business this year. Well, actually I’ve been doing it for a very long time. More accurately, I quit my “regular” job this year. As someone who has lived here for a long time, and someone who was a consultant for a lot of different companies, I actually have a bit of a local network. However, I think I could do even better online and would love to build up my business on the Internet. The answer? Networking. It works online too.

Networking online works the same as in flesh and blood. Instead of Rotary, there is Digg. Instead of Photographer Friends of the Museum, there is Flickr and so on. The process though it no different. Start going to Digg (or Furl, or Technorati, or…) and start meeting people. Read what other people posted or bookmarked. Find people who could be useful or you could be useful to and meet them. Same rules. No business, no desperatation. Instead of talking, you email. “Hey, loved that bookmark about albino flammingos doing ballet.” Hopefully this strikes up a conversation. If not, then just like in real life, move on. Talk to someone else.

Again, avoid Neworking Spam. Posting three-hundred bookmarks to your own web site and emailing everyone “just to say hi” won’t win you any friends (or get you a network). Just think, is this useful? Would I be glad if someone did it to me? From the above example, “You might want to check out my Digg page on ablino flammingos playing violins” is good; “You might want to check out my Digg page on hot naked co-ed iganuas” is not good.

In the Mean Time

So, what do you do while your network is building? Everything else. Check out the Cold Calling class, advertise, reach out to friends, offer to help non-profits for cheap, whatever. Keep going though, because you are going to have this awesome network and you don’t want to have nothing for it to do.

Practice

If you want to practice, network with me. I’m a professional writer, a Certified Financial Planner, a former Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer (MCSE), a business owner, a business and management coach and consultant, and I’m pretty sure I’ve come up with a better way to do search engines (but I need to do some research). I also have gotten addicted to Wordpress, I’m trying out Twitter, and I’m also seeing if I can figure out which of the millions of social networking sites will be useful (and fun) for me. I’m selling my house (without a realtor), I’m considering moving to the west coast except I can’t figure out how to make the cost of housing work. I’m a new-ish father, a husband, and I live in Denver.

Spot anything? Send me an email. Remember, start a conversation (I like this, what do you think about…), or offer something useful (When I moved to Portland three years ago…). Soon, we’ll be friends. Then you can say, “Hey do you know anyone in the market for puce belly-button rings forged out of yak lint?”

[For more networking tips, check out MarketingHackz "Networking - The Key Element to Building a Brand"]